


Affection

by jamesprongspotter



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff, M/M, dont judge this work by its shitty title, im terrible at titles im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 20:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11676483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesprongspotter/pseuds/jamesprongspotter
Summary: Adam is still clueless and terrified about how to show Ronan affection.





	Affection

Adam was still getting used to the idea of wanting and being wanted.

It had been a few months that he’d been with Ronan, a few months since that first shared kiss at the Barns, a few months of Adam trying and failing to move past superficial displays of intimacy and affection.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to touch Ronan. Because he wanted to. He wanted to, badly.

He would watch the lean muscles slide underneath Ronan’s shirts, watch the light play over his eyelashes, itching for intimacy, for his body to know more of Ronan and for Ronan to know more of him. He wanted to trace his fingers over the soft ridges that formed Ronan’s lips, to have his mouth explore Ronan’s torso, to know areas of Ronan that had only seemed accessible to him in embarrassing daydreams.

But he couldn’t seem to figure out where those boundaries of affection lied with Ronan, what lengths and types of intimacy were acceptable. Displaying and receiving affection were not a phenomenons that seemed to come naturally to Ronan Lynch and Adam was more accustomed to fighting with him than he was to showing affection.

And he could never seem to find the right moment to test those limits, to see where they lied. It had been Ronan’s impulse and blind courage that had initiated that first kiss. Adam wasn’t so sure he could do the same.

And so Adam continued to navigate his moments with Ronan with gangly awkwardness, touching lightly and never too long, exchanging kisses but never pushing them much further.

Each time Ronan walked into the same room, Adam could feel his nerves alight, a bubble of anxiety blooming in the pit of his stomach, accompanied by the same incessant thoughts about how much longer Ronan would put up with this, if it was only a matter of time before Ronan snapped awake and realized he had no more patience for Adam’s hesitancy and indecision.

\------

Adam was perched on the counter in Monmouth, watching Ronan attempt to make Mac and Cheese and, somehow, failing.

“You’re enjoying this.”

Adam bit back a smile. He had largely managed to keep his laughing subdued as Ronan fumbled with turning on the stove and spilled half the macaroni across the counter, but he bursted into hysteric giggles when Ronan jumped back against the counter after dipping his finger in boiling water. His string of curses — first at the macaroni and then at Adam — had only increased Adam’s laughter by tenfold.

“Slightly,” Adam said through a grin, watching Ronan wince as he ran his hand under the sink.

Ronan shook his head. “I’m making this for you, Parrish.” Adam could see the corner of Ronan’s mouth quirk up.

Ronan sauntered over to Adam’s place on the counter, falling into the space between his knees. Adam pulled playfully at Ronan’s shirt, and Ronan sidled between his legs, his hips pressing against the counter. Adam was at once startlingly aware of Ronan’s closeness and he wondered if Ronan noticed his breath hitch slightly. That familiar anxiety that was always attached to him and Ronan and all the places where their skin met, drummed faintly at the back of his mind and Adam instinctively stiffened.

Ronan noticed. He removed his hands from their place on either side of Adam and began to ease his way from between Adam’s knees.

Adam snatched out impulsively, grabbing a fistful of Ronan’s shirt and pulling him back until their chests were only a space apart, at which point, Adam pressed his mouth against Ronan’s, a little clumsily. Ronan made a small, instinctive noise of surprise and Adam felt a jolt of satisfaction.

The timer on the Mac & Cheese blared behind them. Adam regretfully detached his lips from Ronan’s and realized with a flush that in the midst of the heat of the kiss he had unknowingly wrapped his legs around Ronan, trapping him against the counter. Adam untangled himself, allowing Ronan to retreat back to the stove. The kitchen lighting was dim but Adam thought he saw a hint of pink in Ronan’s cheeks.

As Ronan turned off the stove and prepared the macaroni (haphazardly – but Adam’s heart was beating too quickly and his mind too out of focus to notice or tease him), Adam made for the couch. Ronan followed behind him a few moments later, one large bowl of macaroni in hand. He edged into the corner, his back against the armrest and his legs splayed out along the length of the couch.

Ronan’s eyes danced quickly over Adam — who sat with his knees hugged against his chest at the other end — enough to make him notice, but not enough to seem like he was staring.

Ronan pushed the bowl between the pair of them, and Adam edged himself closer, moving into the space between Ronan’s calves.

“‘s good,” Adam said, spooning a mouthful of the pasta, the surprise in his voice genuine. “For all your shit cooking abilities Lynch, it’s really a miracle you managed this.”

“Shut up, Parrish.” There was no malice in his voice.

They ate the macaroni in peaceful silence. At some point, Adam’s hand fell along Ronan’s calf, drumming lightly and without thought.

Adam watched Ronan silently as they ate. In the dim lighting at Monmouth Ronan looked decidedly peaceful, a tempered angelic image for a boy who externally seemed to be all sharp edges and stinging glances. Adam had seen enough glimpses to know this not to be true, at least not the full picture. Ronan was swarming with contradictions.

Adam realized Ronan had noticed his staring and a familiar cluster of nerves sparked inside his chest. He drew back the hand on Ronan’s calf without thinking. Ronan spared him a short glance but didn’t say anything.

That was the most frustrating thing about this whole ordeal. Ronan would never say anything. Never, in all of Adam’s lifetime, would Ronan openly ask for affection. Not that he didn’t want it. Adam didn’t miss the goosebumps that rose on Ronan’s skin at Adam’s touch, or the heat that came from Adam’s lips pressed against his own. But openly requesting intimacy was not in his nature.

Which meant if Adam ever wanted to learn every inch of Ronan, if he wanted to learn when he could learn those things, what was acceptable now and what was off-limits, one of them would have to make a move. And Ronan had already been the one to initiate their first kiss. If Adam wanted more of Ronan, he would have to be the brave one.

Adam took a deep breath and moved the bowl of macaroni to the floor.

“I wasn’t done with that, Parrish.”

Adam nudged his way into the remaining space between Ronan’s legs, his knees overlaying Ronan’s thighs and their faces only a few inches apart.

Adam kissed Ronan slowly at first, his hands held together in his lap, his lips moving softly against Ronan’s own. Ronan kissed back, but with more fervency, pulling Adam closer against him so Adam could feel Ronan’s chest against his own, and he could no longer differentiate his own heartbeat from Ronan’s.

His hands moved instinctively to Ronan’s shoulders. Adam, lost in the feel of Ronan’s mouth against his, unconsciously pushed himself higher in Ronan’s lap, angling his head above Ronan’s and draping his arms over his shoulders.

They pulled apart for breath and Adam rested his forehead against Ronan’s, their noses brushing lightly. Adam gave him a brief, split second kiss, and blushed, the gesture somehow feeling more intimate.

Adam registered Ronan’s hands on his abdomen, fingertips ghosting over the skin just beneath the hem of his shirt. His skin was alight.

In a few swift movements, Ronan maneuvered Adam off his lap and sprawled him across the couch, Ronan now propped above him. Adam earnestly pulled Ronan down by his collar to meet him, resuming their kissing while Ronan’s hands moved experimentally under Adam’s shirt.

His movements were cautious, Adam realized, never roaming too far, brushing gently and for brief seconds. He was testing the waters. Waiting for Adam to signal that he was okay with it, to tell him whether or not he could go any further.

In answer, Adam lifted the hem of his shirt slightly, pressing Ronan’s hand firmly to his chest, meanwhile never breaking the kiss. Ronan responded in kind, his touching becoming more earnest and firm, venturing up as far as Adam’s collarbone. At that moment, Adam thought his insides could be mistaken for fireworks.

Adam helped Ronan pull his shirt free and watched as Ronan appraised his form briefly, not missing the hunger that flashed in his eyes. He dropped and his lips met Adam’s neck and Adam softened beneath him.

Adam’s hands fell to Ronan’s hips and his fingers unintentionally brushed over small pockets of skin as Ronan’s shirt moved with him.

“Ronan,” Adam started, and then felt himself flush at how soft and weak his voice came out.

Ronan pulled back slightly and arched his eyebrow in question. Adam tugged on Ronan’s shirt gently, and knew he was blushing even harder know. He hoped Ronan got the message.

Ronan understood. He pulled Adam’s hand up beneath his shirt, pressing it against his chest just as Adam had done with him.

Adam thought he might actually explode, right there, on the couch in Monmouth. Ronan was already moving to tug off his shirt and Adam moved to help him, when the front door began to budge.

Gansey’s voice could be heard easily from the other side and it was beyond Adam how they had not heard it sooner.

They both scrambled into sitting positions, Adam hurriedly pulling his shirt back on and Ronan returning the bowl of macaroni to the space between them. They fell back on opposite ends of the couch, both looking flushed and uncomfortable as Gansey moseyed through the door, followed by Blue and Henry.

Gansey was still absorbed in his conversation with the pair of them, but fell silent when he noticed Adam and Ronan, looking scrambled and staring at anywhere but each other.

“Hey,” said Gansey.

“Hey,” Adam returned sheepishly. He was uncomfortably aware of all of their eyes on them. He guessed they could piece together what had been going on before their unanticipated arrival. He felt as though his embarrassing incompetence when it came to Ronan was glaringly visible under their stares, his ineptitude and childish fear about how to show affection to his own boyfriend etched across his face. Adam wanted to dissolve.

He pushed himself off the couch before they could stare at him any longer.

“Are you staying here tonight, Adam?” Gansey asked as Adam grabbed the few belongings he had brought with him.

“No, I - I’m just gonna head back to my apartment.”

Gansey fixed him with an appraising look but didn’t attempt to stop him as he made his way to the door.

Adam shot through, too nervous and too much of a coward to offer a goodbye or even a glance back at Ronan.

\------

They were crammed into a corner booth at Nino’s that wasn’t built to seat five. Adam’s thin frame was smooshed between Ronan to his right and Blue to his left, who’s knee pressed against Gansey’s, who was remarkably close to sitting in Henry’s lap.

Adam guessed he and Ronan appeared odd to the rest of them. They had exchanged only a few words since meeting in the parking lot, mild embarrassment and confusion over the previous night still clouding the space between them, and were mirroring none of the couple-ly behavior of Blue and Gansey, whose hands were clasped under the table, Gansey’s shoulder leaned just slightly against Blue’s.

Blue nudged Adam’s knee with her own, a silent question in her eyes that shifted briefly between him and Ronan.

And of course, because they were practically lying on top of each other and one person moving meant everyone moving, Gansey’s gaze shifted to the three of them, his eyes dancing between them trying to piece together their nonverbal conversation.

And now with all this attention on Adam and Ronan, it was inevitable that Henry’s eyes, and confusion, would join them.

Henry swallowed his mouthful of pizza and peered curiously between Adam and Ronan.

“You two okay? Did something happen last night? You looked a little dazed when we came in.”

Of course Henry thought lunch at Nino’s was the appropriate place to discuss this. That Ronan and Adam’s relationship in general was up for open discussion.

Adam was surprised when Ronan answered. “Nothing happened. Though it isn’t really your business anyway, is it Cheng?”

Henry shrugged, unfazed. “Suppose not. Though Gansey boy,” Henry continued, turning to Gansey, “you let these two stay at Monmouth when you’re not around? Is that safe?” Henry laughed through a mouthful of pizza.

Ronan shot him an icy glare. Henry halted his laughter and nearly choked on his pizza in the process, prompting Gansey’s hand on his back until he stopped coughing and Blue failing to hide her laughter behind her hand.

\------

As the five of them made their way out of Nino’s, Adam felt a tug on his elbow and turned to find Gansey staring sharply at him as he pulled him away from the rest of the group.

“You can’t mess with him, Adam.”

Adam distantly remembered Gansey’s words to him a few months after Adam had disclosed having kissed Ronan only moments before.

Adam felt a surge of frustration at the accusation.

“Excuse me?”

“Look, you know Ronan as well as I do. If you’re not taking this seriously —”

“You think I don’t take this as seriously as he does? I’m just as viable of getting hurt in this relationship.” Adam could feel the heat rising in his neck and noticed Gansey falter slightly.

There was a moment of quiet between them. Adam spared a glance at the rest of the group who seemed to have noticed their absence, pacing a reasonable distance away, but pretending to not be paying them any attention. He caught Ronan’s eye for a short second and then snapped his attention back to Gansey.

Gansey seemed to have regained himself, his jaw newly set, though his demeanor was not as harsh as before.

“What happened last night?”

Adam felt himself flush from a mix of annoyance and embarrassment.

“How is that any of your fucking business, Gansey?”

“I’m just trying to look out for Ronan!”

God. Adam was already having a hard enough time trying to figure out how to initiate intimacy with Ronan on his own without Gansey’s prying, watching for Adam to show the smallest sign of being a shitty boyfriend. Adam could recall a plethora of instances in his years of knowing Gansey in which he felt the urge to punch him, but he thought those moments paled in comparison to the frustration he felt with him now.

“Mind your own fucking business, Gansey.” Adam fought the urge to shove at him, turning and fuming all the way back to the rest of the group.

\------

“Don’t you already have three packs of these?” Adam lifted a family size box of Bagel Bites in Ronan’s direction. They were at the grocery store after finally deciding Mac & Cheese couldn’t sustain them forever.

Ronan grabbed the box from Adam and dropped it into the cart, while continuing his way down the aisle. “I’m stocking up for winter.”

Adam paused in front the freezers full of ice cream, his eyes searching for a flavor Opal hadn’t tried yet.

“Get the triple chocolate brownie.”

Adam jumped slightly, not having heard Ronan approaching. He was close enough Adam could feel his chest against his back. “She’s already tried that one.”

Ronan maneuvered from behind Adam and pulled two ice creams from the freezer, along with a pack of ice cream sandwiches Adam was fond of.

Adam started to shake his head and grabbed for the sandwich box, but Ronan was already adding it to their cart. “We don’t have to get that,” said Adam.

“I want to,” said Ronan, firmly and pushed the cart along, ending any further debate.

It was a small gesture, but Adam still felt a little lighter as he made his way down the aisle, his heart a few beats quicker.

“What were you talking about with Gansey yesterday?” Ronan asked from across the aisle.

Adam’s brow furrowed in confusion, before recalling that moment in the parking lot at Nino’s.

Adam shook his head, trying to feign nonchalance. “It was nothing,” he said, his attention on the ice cream.

Ronan glanced back at Adam, raising an eyebrow. “Really,” Adam added, meeting Ronan’s gaze this time. “It wasn’t important.” Ronan didn’t press any further and Adam was glad.

But thinking about his conversation with Gansey made Adam return to the looped monologue in his head about his inability to express affection to his boyfriend in all the ways he desired.

When Ronan paused a few aisles later to ask for Adam’s advice in deciding between cereals, Adam took a brave step forward and gingerly wrapped his hand around the one hanging at Ronan’s side. Ronan registered the contact and spared one brief, split second glance at their clasped hands before turning his attention back to the cereal and absentmindedly tightening his grip on Adam’s hand.

“Opal likes Lucky Charms,” Adam offered, whose heartbeat drummed so loud in his ears he wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t shouting.

And then the moment was broken as Ronan released Adam’s hand to head down the aisle to find a box of Lucky Charms. Adam had managed a small instance of affection and it was already gone. His heart was settling back to its normal pace when Ronan returned to the cart, and slid his hand right back into Adam’s without a thought, wheeling the cart along with his other hand.

The rest of their grocery shopping was a giddy blur for Adam. He distantly wondered if he looked to other shoppers as much of a lovestruck idiot as he felt, but he didn’t really care. He didn’t care that holding Ronan Lynch’s hand in a fucking grocery store was seemingly a pretty tame and dorky thing to get heart palpitations over.

While Adam examined potatoes, Ronan leaned lazily against the cart, his chin resting on one arm, while the hand that held Adam’s roamed its thumb over Adam’s knuckles.

Ronan didn’t let go of his hand until they were in the car and he was forced to put both hands on the wheel.

\------

Adam arrived at the Barns late Thursday evening after his shift at the garage, his hands stained and in need of a shower. He found Ronan in a similar state out in the fields, replacing worn-out plyboards on one of the sheds while Opal tossed feed erratically at the cows.

Ronan didn’t look up as Adam approached but Adam knew he had noticed him. Sweat soaked the back of Ronan’s shirt and glistened along his neck and forehead, and the edges of his tattoo peeked out from the collar of his shirt.

“Stop staring,” Ronan said, testing the sturdiness of the board in front of him without turning to look at Adam.

Adam blushed. “I’m not.”

Ronan finally fixed his gaze up at Adam, squinting against the fading sun. “Can you hand me that?” he said, pointing to a tool at Adam’s feet. Adam passed it to him, not missing how Ronan’s eyes lingered on Adam’s hands. He turned away to hide his smirk.

Opal, who was now collecting an assortment of flowers and weeds, seemed to have just registered Adam’s presence. She sprinted to meet him, her small frame wrapping around Adam’s leg. Adam knelt to her height, pulling her against his chest. When they separated, she pressed her collection into Adam’s palms with a toothy grin. “This is for you.”

“It’s lovely, Opal. Thank you.”

“You should come here more often,” Opal continued, and then her face brightened as an idea struck her. “You should live here!” She exclaimed, her hands shaking Adam’s shoulders excitedly.

Adam grinned at Opal’s enthusiasm and glanced briefly at Ronan, who didn’t seem to be listening, his attention still occupied by the shed.

“Oh, he would love it,” Opal added, noticing Adam’s glance. “He misses you so much when you’re not here.” She rolled her eyes dramatically as she said it, the eagerness and satisfaction at divulging this news evident in her voice.

“Opal,” Ronan called firmly before she could continue, “come help me with this.”

Adam bit back a smile as Opal scampered toward Ronan, but was unable to halt the fluttering in his stomach. He moved to kneel by the pair of them, passing tools from Opal who passed them on to Ronan. Opal spared a knowing glance between Ronan and Adam, her mouth curving into a small smile before sprinting off in the opposite direction, racing to join the cows.

“Opal!” Ronan tried to call, but seemed to know it was fruitless. He turned reluctantly back to his work, not looking at Adam. Adam thought he noticed a hint of pink in his cheeks.

Adam nudged him with his foot playfully, earning an annoyed look from Ronan, though it was empty of any actual malice.  
In a few sudden movements, Ronan moved back to his feet, his hand out to pull Adam up beside him. He offered a small glance in Opal’s direction, who now sat among the cows, seeming to be in conversation with them, and pulled Adam along behind him toward the house.

“Do you want anything?” Ronan asked, once they were inside. Adam shook his head.

Ronan got himself a water and leaned against the kitchen counter.

“You can stay here,” said Ronan. “If you want.”

Adam gazed at Ronan for a few moments, aware of all the implications behind this offer. That Ronan wanted him close, to see and be with him as often as he could, to be near enough to get used to the feel of the other’s touch.

“I want to,” said Adam. He edged from his place at the other end of the counter until he was only a few paces away from Ronan. A faint scent of grass and sweat clung to Ronan from his work in the yard. He closed the space between them to press a small kiss to Ronan’s cheek. The gesture felt softer and more intimate than most of their interactions and Adam felt his chest relax when Ronan sighed contentedly and pulled Adam back against him, connecting their mouths.

Adam felt a surge of disappointment when they pulled apart suddenly, but Ronan was already dragging him out of the kitchen and to the couch in the living room.

Adam fell, his back pressed against the couch cushions as Ronan perched above him, his mouth finding Adam’s neck, back in the same position as they’d been at Monmouth only a few nights prior.

Adam clumsily striped off his shirt, noticing Ronan smirk at his haste.

Ronan’s attention moved to Adam’s chest, his hands moving gently along Adam, awakening every nerve ending that fell under Ronan’s touch. In his fervor, Adam grasped hungrily at Ronan’s hips, pulling Ronan down against him. Ronan returned the gesture by pulling up on the hem of his shirt clasped in Adam’s hands.

Adam paused, aware of the exhilarating prospect of a shirtless Ronan — but also fearful that he was asking and pushing for things he shouldn’t be.

“Just let me know, okay?” Adam said tentatively, his hand still holding the hem of Ronan’s shirt. “If, you know, you don’t want me to…” God, he was fucking terrible at this.

“Stop being so fucking clueless, Parrish.” Ronan tugged his shirt over his head, allowing Adam’s hands access.

Adam kept his hands at Ronan’s waist.

“Ronan, I’m serious.”

This time, Ronan didn’t scoff. He met Adam’s gaze, his eyes intent and empty of mockery. “I know.”

It was the okay Adam had been waiting for. His fingers moved experimentally along the ridges outlining Ronan’s chest who shuddered under his touch.

Ronan leaned to meet Adam’s neck and Adam’s hands moved with greater hunger, until his hands were no longer enough, his senses craving _more and more and more_ of Ronan. Adam’s lips found Ronan’s collarbone and buried in the indentation.

“Adam.” His name fell soft and breathy from Ronan’s mouth, gentler than the Ronan Adam was used to, as Adam left a trail of kisses down his abdomen.

When they both grew tired, they melted into the couch, curling into each other and breathing heavily. Adam felt overwhelmed by all his hands and mouth had explored, the new spaces of Ronan he had been allowed access to. As they lay catching their breath, he traced the curve of Ronan’s lips, while Ronan’s thumb worked smooth circles into his back.

Adam could get used to this.


End file.
